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#11

Things Never Change
By Kazz Falcon

I dated my ex boyfriend
Things have never been so much better
We started to fall back in love
He remembered my favorite food
We had so much fun dating
We got to know each other again
We meant so much to each other
It was good to be in each other’s lifes again
Life was fabulous with him
We took things very slowly
Last time, we went too fast
Something happened
He showed up drunk at my place
I don’t believed it
He hasn’t stop drinking
He was still working as a bartender
I gave him another chance at love
He just walked all over me
He claimed he didn’t have a drinking problem
He was happy with me
Yet, I wasn’t happy with him
I can’t do this again
I just can’t
It was hard the first time
It nearly destroy my life
His drinking reopened old wounds
I still felt the knife in my heart
It cut deeper into my soul
I cried out loud in pain
I wished I hadn’t went back to him
Things never change


Denied Alcoholic
By Kazz Falcon

Say it with me
I don’t have a drinking problem
Say it again
I don’t have a drinking problem
Once more
I don’t have a drinking problem
Yes, some friends believed I had one
What do they really know about me?
My life was perfect in every way
I had a wonderful boss, beautiful place and cool friends
I was so freaking happy with my life
I don’t have any problems at all
I paid my rent and bills on time
I was never late at my job
Still, they can’t get it out of their minds
I was able to hold onto everything
My life was under control
Come on now
I don’t have a drinking problem
Say it
Yes, I partied at the clubs every weekend
I was a social drinker


Bug Chasers
By Kazz Falcon

I set out to become HIV infected
I didn’t care how I got the disease
I was never big on drugs
Sex was the next best thing
I had a lot of promiscuous, unsafe sex
I was popular at the bathhouses, sex clubs and the sex parties
I often had it over five times a week
On the weekend, I always lost count
I couldn’t get sex enough
Sex was my whole being
It was my main reason to live
I lived to be serve by any men at any cost
I couldn’t stop thinking about it
I saw being part of the HIV-AIDS community as a way of belonging
I looked forward to that day
Everyone has a sense of belonging somewhere
My place was with HIV community
I mostly seek out “the gift givers”
They were HIV + men who knowingly and deliberately infect others
I simply don’t care about the consequences
I celebrated and advertised bareback on the Internet
Because I wanted to be HIV infected
HIV + people was living longer
They often don't show the outside signs of the disease
No matter what, life was good at either end


Gift Givers
By Kazz Falcon

I wasn’t Santa at all
I was only a HIV + person
What else can I say?
I gave people the HIV virus
They wanted to be a part of the HIV community
They didn’t seemed to care at all
I gladly gave them what they want
No questions ask
You could say it’s Russian Roulette
My penis was the gun
Hey, it was their lifes
I can’t complained, neither they can
Sometimes, they paid me money
No, I wasn’t a prostitute
They want HIV at any cost
I wasn’t making that much on my job
I couldn’t refuse the money
I wouldn’t turn down money either
It will help me in the long run
Whatever works for them, works for me


Time For An Awakening
By Kazz Falcon
Dedicated to Richard Chamberlain

You probably know me quite well
I starred in numerous blockbuster movies in the 1960/70’s
Of course, I was in a hit TV show in the 1980’s
I had a pretty fan base
All women fancy yours truly
In the last few years, I led a comfortable life
I could less about my public image now
Most women saw me as a romantic man in my movies
I played the roles quite good
Even some proposed marriage in their letters
Stars still get those kinds of letters
I wouldn’t take those proposals seriously
I was already seeing someone at that time
I wouldn’t dare to cheat at all
My special someone would have talk to the tabloids
You know I can’t let that happen
My public image would be destroyed
Today, I don’t give a damn about that image
Hollywood created it for the audience
They saw a bankable star in me
They would do anything to cover up the truth
They did the same thing with Rock Hudson
He was another prefect leading man for the movies
For all my fans, I was ready to face the truth
I was tired of hiding from everyone
There was nothing wrong with me
I just happened…happened to be different
“Different,” you wondered
I wasn’t ashamed of my life
It was a part of me
I embraced myself with the truth
The truth would set you free
As you get older, you would know what means the most to you
I found real love I could count on for the rest of my life
I would never give up the love at all
Being gay was so me; I don’t want to give up my life


Losing Focus
By Kazz Falcon

I was working on a book
It was due by December 2004
I had a month left
Everything was going smoothly
I ran into an old friend
I haven't seen him since childhood
We caught up on old times
We hung around a lot
I completely forgotten about the book
We had so much fun
I was smitten by him
We spent every waking moment together
We can't get enough each other
I moved in with him
I put everything on hold
I did everything for him
I cooked
I cleaned
I took out the trash
I loved him so much
There was something missing
I felt I was lost
I wasn't happy
Don't get me wrong
Our love was still strong
I missed writing very much
That I lost focus


The Locket
By Kazz Falcon

I wanted to give my love something special
His birthday was coming up this Saturday
The locket will represent our love 4ever
It dawned on me
I decided to use that description
That was just perfect for the locket
He will enjoy his present very much
We had a nice quite time on his birthday
A few friends was over
We had a gay old time with each other
He loved all his presents
I was saving the best for last
He wondered what happened to my present
I fibbed, "I couldn't find anything."
He does have everything
There was nothing to give him
He was disappointed
All our friends went home
He still can't believe it
I mentioned he forgot to eat some cake
He doesn't like eating cake; it was fattening
I made him closed his eyes
He didn't trust me at all
He thought I will stuff the cake in his mouth
The lights was out
A candlestick was lit on the kitchen table.
He sat down at the table
I screamed, "Surprise!"
He quickly opened up his eyes
Once again, he was disappointed
All he saw was a small cupcake
I knew he couldn't resist it
I made the best damn cupcakes in the world
He took a bite of the cupcake
Then he grabbed his drink
He noticed the locket in the glass.
He was cheerful that I gave him something special
He read the description
"Our hearts are 4ever locked together."
He started to cry
It was the best birthday present he ever received


Hush Money
By Kazz Falcon

I knew a terrible secret
I can't tell anyone
I don't want my life to be in danger
HE offered me an intrigue deal
I couldn’t refuse the money
It will help me in the long run
I was behind the bills and the rent
Also, I can get out of debt
Under one condition, I can't tell anyone
The money will help me a great deal
I can offer my kid the life I didn't had
I can move to a better neighborhood
I will be safe as long I play the cards right
Man, I won't have to worry that much
I can take care of my only kid
He will do better in school
His future depends on the money
I won't let him down
Damn, I better take the deal
I know it was wrong
I was desperate for the money
I must take care of my son at nay cost
I made the deal with the devil
He gave me the hush money


Child Support
By Kazz Falcon

I split up with my wife last year.
We had a son together.
She demanded I give her child support
I flat out refused
I can't afford it
I had a low paying job
Yet, she was a greedy bitch
She wants all my money to go to the son
Hell, no!
She had no right to my money
Our divorce was finale few weeks ago
I was doing the best I could to help him
Right now, I was on a tight income
She was too damn lazy to work
Maybe, I should get full custody
She needs to stop whining
She was driving me away from our son
She was too angry and bitter
She won't get child support
  

My Husband, The Cop
By Kazz Falcon

Last night was a close call for him
He was almost kill
This bad guy shot him a few times.
I knew that day was coming.
I was sick and worried.
I didn't want him to be a police officer any more
It was too dangerous.
I really hoped he change his mind
I can't go on living like this
I loved him so much
I don't want to lose him at all
His job really scared me
I was a nervous wreck
Now, the shoot out made matters worst
He doesn't want to listen to reason
I begged him to quit the police force
He won't stop being a cop
He loves his job very much
I really don't know what to do
I was truly afraid for my husband, the cop.

  
Again!
By Kazz Falcon

Well, what can I say?
I was in another car accident
This time, I broke my arm
Yes, I was driving drunk from the clubs
I kept on playing with fire
One of these days, I will take a life or mine
I really don't care
No one gives a damn about me
They walked out on my life
I don't have a problem
I won't cut back on the drinking
God gave me many chances
This probably was my 7th car accident
I was a lucky bastard!
The Angel Of Death won't come to the doorstep
I refused to give up my life
God was on my side no matter what
He won't let me down
I will continue to drink
Till something bad happen again!

 
Weak
By Kazz Falcon

I prey on the weak
It gives me so much powerful
She was truly afraid of me
I beat her up many times
She always talks back to me
I got to teach her a lesson
She can't continue to give me lip
I won't let her
She must be nice and obey me
I was in charge, not her
She has to cook, clean and anything else
It was the woman's job
She can't deny my demands
I was the king for her
Yet, she wasn't my queen
She doesn't give me respect most times
She won't walk away from me
Because she was weak

 
Strong
By Kazz Falcon

Well, my dear husband beats me up
He was an angry man
Things doesn't go his way
He always took his anger on me
He felt I was the blame for his failures
I was scared for the kids too
He haven't touch them yet
Thank God!
They were too young to notice anything
I must find a way to get out
We need to be safe from him
I was sick and tired of him
He really disgusted me
I was ashamed
I felt dirty
I cried my eyes in silence
Dear Lord! Please help us
We need to escape the abuse from the husband
Maybe, the gun was my only way out
For the kids, I must be strong

 
My Time Has Come
By Kazz Falcon

My time has come
For Angel Of Death to take me away
I was at my deathbed
I will be happier in the afterlife
My friends/family won't have to cry
I will see them again
I don't know when
Who knows when we go to the great beyond?
I left good memories behind
They can hold on to the memories
Everyone will missed me dearly
The memories will keep them company
Here I lay in the bed
Some friends surrounded me
The pastor gave me the last rites
I can go peacefully in death
I won't have any more pain
I was grateful I had a wonderful life
I said my goodbyes to everyone
I died in my sleep
My time has come

 
The Innocence One
By Kazz Falcon

I was falsely accused for something I didn't do.
He believed I was stirring up some trouble
I wasn't that type of a person
I don't cause any trouble
I have no reason to
I was very happy with my life
He thought I spiked their drink
Say what?
I will do no such thing
I hardly go clubbing
I was so over the clubs
I won't put someone in danger
I won't even do that to my enemies
I have no reason to be spiteful
He really needs to get over himself
I was trying to warn them about Mickey Finn
He took it wrong
He still believed I want to rape them
Huh?
Was I really Mickey Finn?
I was the innocence one

The Island
By Kazz falcon

I mysteriously arrived on an island
I have no ideal how I got there
I ran into Alice at Salem Place
Was I dreaming?
I was shock to see her alive
I killed her with donuts
Man, I was the serial killer back home
For some reason, I was bloodthirsty
I passed out on the ground
I suddenly woke up in Alice's house
I was lost and confused
How did I get there?
I saw Roman and Abe
It can't be real
I killed them both
I shot Abe
I slit Roman's throat
Man, I was really freaking out
Yet, everyone was alive, even Victor
How can it be?
I didn't kill Victor in the bathtub
Even I was dead too
The police shot me on sight
They convinced me that we were trapped
We all want to go home
We missed our loved ones
Somehow, we need to find a way to escape
Who was the mastermind behind the island?

 
“Amnesia” Roman Brady
By Kazz Falcon

I stumbled into Salem
Yet, I was still lost
I can’t remember who I was
I don’t recognize the area
I was wrapped up in bandages
I came across Dr. Marlena Evans
She helped me to unravel my past
She feared I was her worst enemy – Stephano
I had a phoenix tattoo on my shoulder
I slowly recovered my memory
She noticed certain familiar patterns
It dawned on her
Was I her long lost husband?
She found out I had plastic surgery
She saw pictures of Roman at the surgeon’s office
She was convinced I was her long lost husband
She believed Stephano brainwashed and redesigned me
She told me about the pictures
I couldn’t believed it
I “changed” my looks
I felt like I was home again
I was reunited with the woman I love
I was reunited with our kids
I accepted my place in her heart and home
I was happy to have my life back


Colony 1628
By Kazz Falcon

I lived in the year of 1628
We were getting started with our colony
I was merely a servant
I took care of the household
I can't speak against my master
I must obey him
I couldn't run away from him
The Governor traded with the Indians
Everyone must go to church on the Sabbath
Even the Non Believers
It was the law
We can't ever work on that day
Some broken laws will lead to death
Even my life was at risk
I was a gay man
Yet, I must hide it from everyone
I can't be that way in their eyes
My life was forbidden
I have no choice at all
Everyone must follow the laws
We will be punish or death
That was my life in Colony 1628


New Colony
By Kazz Falcon

I heard so much about the new colony
I was intrigue by the new world
I had no family nor I was a servant
I was a freeman
I will use this opportunity
I had lots of talent as a carpenter
I can help the new colony strive
There was plenty of need for me
It was an exciting time
I can build my life into something better
Perhaps, fall in love and have a family
Then a servant can work for me
I want to leave my life behind
There was nothing at all
I did my best I could
But it wasn't good enough
I want to settle down somewhere new
I can't miss this opportunity
This was a journey of a lifetime
I was on the way to the new colony

 
The Governor
By Kazz Falcon

The company appointed me as the new governor
I was in charge of the new colony of the new world
I have to make sure things runs smoothly
It was my responsible for everyone
I looked after the physical and moral survival of the colony
I had full authority to administer justice
I executed all the laws that follow
I further the good of the Colony
I served faithfully, all within the limits of my power and as I sees fit
I presided over the Assistant and the Councilor
The Assistant can take my place as long I become absent or ill
Both attends all council meetings held by me
No one else could attend the meetings
No servant can be a councilor
We meet every week to discuss any issues of the colony
I solved any problems/disputes of the colonists
I may get advice from the Assistant and The Councilor
With them, the colony will strive
I had the right to arrest anyone
Unless the party confesses to the crime
Or two witness of the event step forward
Yes, I had a tough job
The colony depends on me
I won't fail as the governor

 
Fornication Act
By Kazz Falcon

A witness caught us in a fornication act
She told the Governor about it
He wouldn't stand for it
He confronted us
I didn't want to confess
I didn't had a choice
There was already a witness
That made to look guilty
I admitted the truth
We stood trial in the colony
The Governor fined us 10 and/or three days in prison
There was no prison in the colony
We were locked up in the cage
We were exposed to the public view and abuse
To bad, we won't marry
We weren't in love
The fine will be reduced to 5 if we were get marry
We couldn't afford the fine
The fine remained unpaid
We were publicly whipped
I will stay away from fornication act

 
Abusive Child
By Kazz Falcon

I had the most rudely child
She won't obey me
I tried to lay down the law
She still talked back
She was really out of control
She threw tantrums
She was spoiled
She refused to listen to me
I was losing patience with her
She cussed up a storm
I wondered what happen
It dawned on me
She wanted to stay with her daddy
Recently, we were divorced
Things weren't that great for us
We were always fighting about something
I had full custody of her
I was sick and tired of her nasty attitude
She felt like I ruined her family
I didn't raise her to be an abusive child


The Separation
By Kazz Falcon

My wife and I agreed on a separation
We needed a break from all the fighting
I will still continued to be there for the kids
I stayed in a hotel for the time being
I met this woman at the club
We went back to my room
Few weeks, I dated the other woman
She knew about the marriage problems
We developed deep feelings for each other
She was much better than my wife
I was happy with her
She became my world
I mentioned I wouldn’t go back to my wife
She believed me
The wife called me up one night
She invited to come over to chat
I drove to our house in Hollywood
I visited the kids for a little while
She confessed she missed me
She missed the warm comfort and our love
I started to cry
I felt the same way
I don't want to stay away from them
We still had feelings
I made up my mind
I won't see the other women
I won't tell my wife about her
There was no need to
I wanted to be with my family again
We needed some time to ourselves
That was a part of the separation

 
The Mistress
By Kazz Falcon

Well, I lied
I didn't stop seeing the other woman
You know, the woman I met during the separation
It just happened
We fell in love with each other
We grown very close this past six months
Last week, I got back together with my wife
Yes, I loved my wife
I also loved the mistress too
My heart was torn in two places
So far, my wife doesn't suspect a thing
I will keep it that way
I don't want to let down our kids
They means the world to me
Things with my wife have been great
We hardly fight any more
We had the perfect family we always wanted
Till she learned about the mistress


Downfall
By Kazz Falcon

I was a popular soap star
My character was so dashing and romantic
The fans love me
They couldn't seen any wrong in me
I got into some trouble with the law
The police stopped me in the car
I followed the police's orders
I took a breath test
Oops, I was over the limit
I had too much to drink
The police searched the car
I couldn't believe it
They found drugs under the passenger's seat
I tried to defend myself
I claimed the drugs wasn't mine
It was some hitchhiker I picked up
They didn't believed me
They hauled me to jail
Words got out about my arrest
The media was all over it
I couldn't escape it
My bosses talked to me
I didn't thought anything of it
I figured it was about an upcoming storyline
Nope, I was wrong
They released me from the soap
I was furious with them
They can't do that
I didn't do anything wrong
I stormed out of the office
Damn! What will I do?
The soap was my daytime job
I had a mortgage to pay
I had kids to feed
I had a wife to support
Why me?
I thought I was doing a good deed
I don't know what to do
Acting was my career
I belonged on the soap
Losing the job was a wrongful termination


Father's Rights
By Kazz Falcon

My girlfriend accidentally got pregnant
She wasn't ready for motherhood
We always use condoms
I was capable of raising our kid
She doesn't felt like it was a good ideal
We had different views
She wants to finish college and get a career
I finished collage and had a good paying job
We can afford the baby
She doesn't see it that way at all
I won't abandon her during the pregnancy
We create a special baby
The baby deserves to live
She thought about ending the pregnancy
I was upset to hear that sad news
So much, I wanted that baby
She can't get of our baby
She has no right to get an abortion
I won't allow her
Abortion is wrong
If she does, she will be a murderer
She will be killing our love too
I have to stop her
She won't get rid of my baby
She has no right to end the pregnancy
I still had a legal connection
It was my father's rights


Successful Alcoholic
By Kazz Falcon

Hmm, where to begin?
My life was out of control
My friends & family disappeared from my life
I was all lonely
I had no one to turn to
I prayed to God for strength
He guided me in the right direction
I was in rehab two times
I was starting over with my life
I met this wonderful guy
Soon, we moved in together
I thought life was perfect
I learned he was an alcoholic
I was tempted to drink again
I wasn't happy with him any more
My sobriety was at stake
The worst happened
I became homeless, thanks to my ex lover
He lost everything, including me
So badly, I wanted a drink
I felt worthless
I can't believe I was homeless again
I was angry with God
I was angry with the ex
They both really let me down
I don't want either of them in my life
My faith demised
I could have turn to alcohol/drugs again
Why was God testing me?
I completed the rehab
I haven't had a drink since then
I had new friends
I truly believed in myself
I had faith in God
Yet, my life was in turmoil again
I didn't want to depend on my friends
Life wasn't fair
Once again, I put my life in God's hands
I was in a shelter for six months
I was grateful to be homeless
God gave me a Section 8 apartment
I was very happy
I was much better without my ex in my life
I had a new boyfriend
I did it on my own with God's help
Thank God! I didn't fall of the wagon
I was finally in control of my life
I was a successful alcoholic


Not Ready
By Kazz Falcon
  
I was involved with a young pup
He seemed to be the one for me
We dated for a while
Everything was just fine
He wanted to be exclusive
I thought he wasn't ready
He claimed he was
We gave love a shot
Things was still great as it seems
He had the wandered eye
I could sense it
We continued seeing each other
I won't put stock in the relationship
He may want to see other people
He was still a young pup
I was 34 young
I already played that game
For me, it was game over
One night, I caught him in the act
He was unfaithful
I knew it was too good to be true
We shouldn't commit in the first place
He does have wild oaks to sow
I broke off the relationship
He wasn't ready for love
  

Where Art Thou, James Sherman?
By Kazz Falcon

It have been years since I saw him
He just vanished into thin air
I wondered about him
His friendship means the world to me
He was the nicest fellow I ever known
He helped me a great deal
I was homeless in the late 90's
We met at MCCLA
He offered to let me to use his computer
He didn't have to
He really believed in my art
Every Wednesday night, he picked me up
He paid our supper at the restaurant
We went to his place
I used the computer for the poems and stories
Sometimes, he helped me
Then he dropped me off at the shelter
The last I heard, he started his own company
He was a dear friend to count on
I cherished our friendship
I will never forget him
I really do missed him a lot
Where Art Thou, James Sherman?

 
Kevin Nichols & Friends
By Kazz Falcon

Kevin was another dear friend
He was the nicest person you will ever meet
His heart is pure as gold
I met him at Grace Fellowship in Dallas
I was talking to JD about homosexuality and God
Kevin came in the kitchen and introduced himself
I truly felt I was home at church
The following week, I went to church again
I could trust them with anything
I mentioned I was homeless for a while
Gary, Collette, Kevin & others were concerned about me
They offered to help this poor guy
Kevin let me stay with him for a short while
My room was ready at Collette
So, I moved to her apartment on Bradford Dr
I worked for Kevin & Gary at Jim Bagwell
I was happy that things were finally going my way
I was off the street
I gained new friends at church
This was the best time of my life
I was truly blessed with Kevin & friends
 

 
I have the spirit of an alien.
I need to find my own kind.
I must shed off the dreadful human skin.
It is very uncomfortable.